Once a month, I join a group of five other men to play some poker.
I'm ashamed to admit that on the day of the month the game arrives, I almost always feel a twinge to try to get out of the game because I always have so much going on. And yet, after the the two and a half hours I spend with these gentlemen, on the drive home, I never have regretted the time spent. Not even once!
In fact, I know that I'll feel refreshed, that it puts a smile on my face, and that it reminds me that life isn't all about work, toil and worry.
I was thinking about all of this Monday night on the drive home from our December game. And I realized that I think this game means so much to me because it literally is the one night per month that I set aside for social activity that doesn't include being with my wife. ... Think about that! One night per month! Twelve nights a year ... is all I currently set aside for some kind of social activity.
It's not that I'm ignorant to the fact that we are created to enjoy life as well. After all, God didn't put us here on earth just to wile away our days in labor. Not in the least! ... God wants to live a joyful life! It is we that take our work to seriously because we often think we need it to define us.
But I fall into the same trap that we all do. And that is that we want to be human doers ... not human beings. I mean where is the prestige in that?
Take my poker night for instance. Every month, when the appointed night arrives, even thought I don't, I spend all day justifying skipping it, despite how much I really enjoy it!
But what is even more disappointing to me is that I know that I am not the exclusion; I am the rule. Tens of millions of adult Americans live life just like this. Overpacked, overstimulated and overwhelmed. We make ourselves so busy that we don't have time for friends or for fun activities like we once did.
In Pew Research Center data form a survey about friendship in America that was released in October, we found out that just 53 percent of adults have between one to four close friends, and 8 percent say they have no close friends at all. Interestingly, the numbers don't get any better the younger we are: "About half of adults 65 and older (49%) say they have five or more close friends, compared with 40% of those 50 to 64, 34% of those 30 to 49 and 32% of those younger than 30."
And yet we know intrinsically that friendship is important. According to the Pew report: "Americans place a lot of importance on friendship. In fact, 61% of U.S. adults say having close friends is extremely or very important for people to live a fulfilling life."
Faithful people know this; we were created to be in relationship with each other, and thus in relationship with our God. It is through the very relationships we keep with others that we know God, our creator.
"9 Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their toil. 10 For if they fall, one will lift up the other, but woe to one who is alone and falls and does not have another to help." (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10)
I wrote earlier in the year about how U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy released a national advisory calling attention to “the public health crisis of loneliness, isolation and lack of connection in our country,” according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.
“Disconnection fundamentally affects our mental, physical, and societal health,” the notice starkly reads. “In fact, loneliness and isolation increase the risk for individuals to develop mental health challenges in their lives, and lacking connection can increase the risk for premature death to levels comparable to smoking daily.”
I'm not a big New Year's resolutions guy. Frankly, I think if you're intent on doing something, you'd like have started long before Jan. 1. But, in the spirit of improving my own spiritual, physical and mental health, I am embarking on new practices, something I started this fall after our mom's passing. And so, as I look to this upcoming new year, my goal is to begin to intentionally schedule more social activities, both with my wife and with friends.
I have longtime friends that I dearly miss, ones whom have been in my life for decades and yet I may only see once a year. It's time to rectify that. I also have friends who may not be as close, but live in closer proximity and so I have no excuse to hang out with them. I need to make that a priority too.
And finally, I vow to stop being so reticent to enjoy the one night a month that I get together with my poker buddies. I shouldn't regret going despite all the work that is waiting. ... As I tell others when they share about their stressed lives with me: The work will be there tomorrow. ... Amen.
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